A week to wait

I promised him I wouldn't do it. I promised I wouldn't for two weeks. This was a week ago, and i'm getting tired of not doing it. Maybe it's the boredom getting to my head, but it's no addiction no it's not. Not at all, for if it were an addiction, I would have already given in.
Given in to get high.
Not some pills or stuff. Syrup.
Anyway, tmi. I plan to go to the store and buy some next weekend. There's no after side effects when I do this kind of high, so it should be all good. Unlike last time with the pills.

This weekend was dumb. I didn't do anything fun. All I did was go to the library, and church twice. But yet, when I ask to go visit my boyfriend, you know, to see if I could make our relationship better... my family says no! They just don't want me seeing him.
They never want me seeing a guy. Except Shalom, but maybe that's because he was asian. I miss him so bad.
Who's Shalom? This guy I didn't technically date, but we honestly fell in love with eachother during the summer. I don't know if he loves me anymore, I doubt it. But I somehow still do... He's blocked me for months now, no communication with him for months now. Because, I suppose he's doing it for the good of us and his family. His family didn't like me I guess. I hope he misses me. He's in Minnesota.

Yep so, this weekend has been crap. This week will be the same routine. The same emptyness. Yet, with myself telling myself I have someone. Who I can't even freakin' see till probably next weekend.

I haven't eaten anything today but this cheesecake circle and cookies. Chocolate chip cookies my mom made... mmm. They don't really fill me up in my heart or stomach, but they're still pretty good. xD