I really need you in my life but things ain't right.

Hey I went to the mall yesterday with Jason, and he supposedly got in the newspaper and made first place in a race and broke a record?
Cool for him.
I think I brought him down yesterday with my sadness.
I went to a funeral visitation for my neighbor Mr. Gary. :\ I hope he watches over me and helps me with my life.
The night before that, I was crying also because of Shalom Lor. He told me his final goodbye, and that he couldn't give me what I seek. Sigh.
It hurts a lot that someone you love more than anybody is blocking you and doesn't want to talk to you. I broke down in a house's bathroom, and fell down on my knees in the bathroom, just reading what he sent me. It hurt a lot.
Today is Sunday and not much is going on. I went to the library today and church.
I hope I get something in the mail tomorrow. I've been winning lots of stuff from online.

I don't know what I want from life. That night Shalom told me GoodBye and to stop talking to him, is the first night I was okay with suicide. I've never been truly okay with suicide, until that night.

I got this really pretty shirt that is striped black and white for the visitation I mentioned earlier, and some black slacks. The shirt is really pretty. :) I should go get more from JCPenny.